eyeway.org : beyond the I : issue 5 : focus : voices of people: relationships

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issue 5 july-august 2005
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Voices of People: Relationships

Eyeway asked some people what being a blind citizen of India means to them, with a focus on one specific aspect of life.

Preeti Monga
Chief of Public Relations at Dr Shroff's Charity Eye Hospital; began her career as an aerobics instructor - India's first and only blind aerobics instructor, Delhi

What do I say about my experience with relationships? I have never had any trouble with any sort of relationship. My experience with relationships, in fact, has been no different from that of any other citizen of India . There are various factors that people consider when they are looking for a partner. Many people do not wish to marry someone of a certain colour or because someone is plump. In just the same manner, some people might have a mind-block against marrying someone with visual impairment. Everybody faces problems - and that is something that people with visual impairment should be aware of.

When I speak of relationships, I must speak of the wonderful relationship I share with my parents. If I am a reasonably well-rounded and confident person today, the credit goes entirely to them. I was never treated differently, or allowed to think of myself as different from the other children around me. Society is an extended family. And how you are treated within your immediate family influences the way in which you relate to society at large.

I was only six when my parents discovered my disability. But they did not for a moment stop and grieve, or pity me. In those days, there was not much available by way of guidance. That was, perhaps, a blessing in disguise. My family and I did not make a big deal of what is, after all, just another fact of life. Perhaps my parents were a little more vigilant about me than they would have been otherwise. At any rate, I was the princess at home. I wonder if my brother felt a little neglected sometimes..

You know, my mother's always said to me, "You must shine like the sun. There's much that's wrong with the sun, but who can look long enough to see those faults?"

I think that's really quite true. My daughter tells me she's not sure that I am blind. We travelled to Panipat recently, and when we entered Panipat, I told my daughter and nephew that we were now in Panipat. They were shocked and asked me how I knew! The fact is that my parents prepared me to pick up everything. I learnt to cook, clean and wash. I was never handled with kid gloves. You know, it is not that other parents do not love their children as my parents loved me. Of course they do! What they forget is that they cannot shelter their child forever; even in love, there should be a balance.

I remember this time (I was with the National Association for the Blind then) when a mother of a three-year-old child with low vision came to me. His father refused to acknowledge the problem and was ashamed of his son. He even locked the child away when there were visitors. I asked the mother to call me over for lunch one day when her husband would be present. All I did was eat lunch with him. But for him, it was a revelation that someone with visual impairment could actually lead a full life. He wanted to know how I managed this or that aspect of my life. And that was the turning point. The child is now in Class IX and the father is actually coaching him to take over the family business.

The fact of life is that one has to excel to be noticed. Why would someone give a blind person a job? There are enough sighted people clamouring for the same job. Employment avenues are limited here, aren't they? Perhaps that is also how visually impaired person-sighted person marriages work. People perceive you as you perceive yourself.

Also, it's not like my parents were never worried. My father suffered a heart attack at 39. They must have worried and suffered, but they did not let any of that seep through to me. I guess I have been exceptionally lucky. But then again, all it took was my parents' love for me and their confidence in me to help me get where I am today. And this is the simple message that I want to spread. I think we should train people to speak to parents about this.

At the end of the day, I do not even wish I could see. I would have been a very different person then. Maybe I would have been a callous woman working in a corporate office. And my relationships would most certainly have been different!

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